All your life

you strive to be a good person, to do whats right in life. You have morals and ideals on the way things should be and you are a conscientious person...you think about other people and you try to be the best you can to them, to you. As a child you have values and a sense of self prestige instilled in you that you will carry through life with you. I have always remembered all that stuff I was taught as a kid, others may not have. I wish I forgot those memories years ago. The key to life is being an asshole, jerk-off, cunt, piece of shit waste of space person. Ain't shit gonna bother you then, you will have all your asshole, jerk-off, cunt, piece of shit waste of space people to hang around with and be there for you. You have no gray hair making stupid worries, no cares, you just do what YOU want. You don't have to give a fuck about anything. Just get fucked up, fuck, fuck-off. No shit matters. And those motherfuckers are the people that walk all over the good. The people that live life in a blur. The people that are so fucking worthless you don't know why you bother. But it still fucking hurts, because as a good person, you care. Too much. It hurts to be walked all over. It hurts to be stabbed by the people you consider your best friends or by the people you spent years of your life with. It hurts. Life fucking hurts. You give your best you get the worst.

Learn from your mistakes.

Regrets. Regrets. Regrets. The word echoes throughout my life like it echoes in forever. Everyday we make actions that in some way will be turned into a regret. Not holding the door for that person, losing your temperament, taking that one last shot. In the vast history of the Earth, those regrets are minor. Insignificant. Trivial. And, for the most part, they are. Minor imperfections in our daily life that in the end mean nothing. But there are much more serious regrets in addition to the small ones that can weigh down a person so much in life the burden is often unbearable.
My life. Full of regrets. Every day I have at least one FUCK UP that will in some sort of way hinder me for the day. But I have huge regrets in my life, about damn near everything. First and foremost, I regret EVERY FUCKING SINGLE relationship I have been in. Whether it be friends or more...I regret them all. When you give any sort of relationship and effort or hold high hopes for it, its going to fuck you in the end. You put in all the time, the effort, the feelings. For what? Tainted memories? Years of your life, once golden now covered with the predominant bad memories. Everyones a fucking fake.
Education. NEVER base any decision of a fucking relationship. Stick to your guns and do whats best for YOU. When your in a fucked up situation, get rid of the source and move on, don't let it interfere with your future. I regret fucking up in school and dropping out of everything its ridiculous. Bullshit jobs, bullshit pay, douchebag co-workers...it's what you've got forever.
Money. Don't tie up all your money in fucking relationships, and don't spend it all on hopes and dreams that will never come true.
Myself. I regret that I am who I am, and was who I was. You need to listen to yourself in life sometimes and do what you need to do and think is best for you. Stand up for your fucking self and make shit known. Don't be such a fucking push-over. And listen to your heart, mind and soul. Don't keep putting effort into something waiting for it to get better. If it's glory days have passed, they've passed. Walk away with the good memories and keep some hope with you for the future.
I looked at this jumbled mess of thoughts and regret, and gawdamn have I fucked myself. But you gotta "learn from your mistakes"

It's amazing how fast life changes and how quickly everything you thought a constant turns into a variable. You don't know what to do, you don't if it will ever go back, you are left clueless and alone in the times you need people most. Then a light in your head flickers on and shortly thereafter is a steady glow and you realize. FUCK EVERYONE. EVERYONE is a worthless, even those you miss most or hold in the highest esteem. The only person in life you can truly rely on is yourself. Thats all you get. Material objects are fucking meaningless, as are the people and relationships that were once so important to you. Other people may have it different, but this is how it is for me. As I'm writing this, I think nothing of everyone. EVERYONE. I have no true friends, no true relations. People may try to say that last statement is unfounded, but you know what? Fuck you. I don't care. When you have no one there for you when you need someone the most, that shows me a lack of true friendship. So to anyone that considers themselves my friend, PROVE IT! Stop being so fucking involved in your self or in stupid old ass friendships with piece of shit low life people. You talk all sorts of shit about them and then run back to suck their dick and hang off their nuts the next day. But hey, if thats what you want...good for you. Just cut the bullshit and be true. If people are going to keep being how they are now then stop fucking talking to me, I won't hold you up. But if you want to be my friend, prove yourself. I've got no problem giving you the opportunity, I always give people more opportunities. But if you can't prove yourself, fuck off. I've got myself, the one thing that will always be there.

Title-less

The past has passed the future is NOW

The trouble of life.

How can someone with such a blessed life be so miserable? How can someone with it all hate everything? I wish I knew. For if I knew, I could improve not only my life, but the lives of those around me.
Happiness is an uncommon thing nowadays, a beautiful rarity. Most people will see spurts of happiness, small bursts lasting moments in time. But few are truly happy. I constantly wonder if it had always been this way.
I look at others lives and I examine my own and I see how deranged and backasswards they are. Nothing is the way it should be, not in my mind. And it has always been that way. Nothing fits my ideals, my beliefs. Maybe that is where many of my problems come from. How malcontent with life I am. Maybe thats what make me malcontent with MY life.
But who really knows? It is something to ponder upon on those late, nearly sleepless nights. Why is this? Why is my life like this? Why is everyone the way they are? I guess they have their own reasoning as I have mine. But what are mine?
I know some of the things that make my life one that lacks much of the attributes I so desire it to have (happiness) but there are a lot that I don't know. Things rooted deep within myself. I wish I knew. I wish someone knew. And its obvious that my life is not what I want. The way I act, my appearance, my whole demeanor.
But what is the point in complaining? No one wants to hear it, nor does anyone care. These are just meaningless words typed onto this once blank screen now filled with the words that pour out of me. I guess things will stay the same until I find out more about myself.

questions

As we sit and watch the state of the world digress we are forced to ask ourselves, what really matters? Is it self? Family? Friends? Work? That is a question everyone must answer for themselves. It seems as everything in the world becomes unholy and impure we must find that one thing to keep ourselves from insanity. To make life somehow meaningfull.
This task, I am afraid, is no easy task. To find a way to make a seemingly pointless existence matter, in any way at all. To stand up, to stand out, to have worth. After all, it all comes down to self worth. You need to feel good about yourselves to feel good about life.
But how does one do this? How does one feel good about who they are? And how does one feel good about this life we live? It is a question that has been asked over and over again until the words seem meaningless. But it is not meaningless. It is everything. How can you possibly feel good about anything if you feel bad about yourself?
Re-examine everything and look at the world in a different light. Find those things important to you. Those things that make life bearable and those things that make you you. Keep those things near and never let go of them. Whether they are physically there or just memories of long ago, never let go of them. Those things are you. Those things can make you get through it all. Get through it to find the point of this existence. To find the joy in life. And once you find the joy in life, you have found what really matters.

...

Happiness is unobtainable. Love is unsustainable. Why go on like this? Why go on at all? There is no point in all this madness we call life. Day in day out, struggles, hardships, loss, hopefullness all for nothing. Its all for nothing. Lets just end everything now, all of us, just end everything now. I dont need this, you dont need this, we dont need this. Fuck it all. In the end it all means nothing. We live to die. Thats all it is. Living to die and destroying anything we can while we are on this earth. Its fucking pointless, life is monotonous. Everyday swirling around in this big blank space of life. Reach in, pull a day out of the hat. Pull out the next, we'll all take turns. They're all the same. Everyday pulled, everyday thrown away. Lets end it all, because, after all, We're just living to die.